


Blessing in Disguise

by peachyivar



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Marvel Universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2020-02-10 01:36:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18650266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachyivar/pseuds/peachyivar
Summary: this is inspired by what happened in endgame, steves ending and all. but it's also an au where everyone was conscious during those 5 years they spent in the soul stone :)





	Blessing in Disguise

After Bucky lost Steve, he didn't know how to cope. He tried his best to be supportive when he was saying goodbye to Steve knowing exactly what he would do the second he got the opportunity to go back to the 40s. There was no way Bucky would be able to stop him and it wasn't the time to confess how he had been feeling all these years, he couldn't possibly do that to Steve, he wouldn't allow himself to be that selfish. 

When Steve didn't come back once those five seconds elapsed and Bucky turned to see a man sitting on a bench with a circular object beside his legs, he knew exactly what happened; and it shattered his heart into a million pieces. He couldn't allow himself to show his hurt because he knew if he showed it, Steve would feel guilty for leaving him behind. He couldn't face his best friend for fear of giving away how he truly felt, so instead he urged Sam to go ahead because he knew Sam was utterly at peace with it, despite the confusion he felt at first. 

Bucky couldn't help but smile to himself, he was somewhat surprised at the fact that he still knew Steve like the back of his own hand. They'd been apart from each other for years and when they were reunited, they were still separated over and over again. It was as if every force that could possibly act upon them didn't want Bucky to be happy, to be alongside his childhood best friend. 

The thought of finally being reunited with Steve was the singular thing that got him through the war against Thanos and the five years he spent in the soul stone. He made some valuable friendships within those five years but nothing compared to the attachment he felt for Steve. The closeness between him and Sam Wilson was comparable, but not the same.

When Steve wasn't there for Bucky, Sam was. Bucky faced some of his darkest conscious moments when he was in the soul stone with the others and the only person that could understand his pain was Sam. Sam never left his side and within the years they spent together, they created a bond that nothing could break. When they were brought back into the war, they were ready to fight, just as they always had been. 

As soon as Bucky was assured of Steve's safety, he looked around to make sure Sam was by his side, and he was. He smiled softly at his friend, he didn't have to make sure that he was by his side because Sam had promised him thousands of times that they would always fight alongside each other. Whether Steve was there or not. Bucky had trusted Sam completely because he knew that there was no way he could ever betray him. 

After the whole ordeal and seeing Steve, who had aged years, he was proud of Sam when he held Captain America's shield; thus taking on the title. He felt a strong flutter in his chest when Sam straightened out his back and smiled proudly at Steve, and turned to do the same to Bucky.

The feeling surprised Bucky, because all the years they spent together, he had felt feelings similar but they were always minute and suddenly they were amplified. He couldn't decipher the reason, was it because he could finally give up all hope with Steve? Or was it because they were outside of the soul stone and in the real world?

There was a cluster of thoughts hounding Bucky's mind within that moment, but they were immediately eradicated as soon as he saw Sam walking toward him with a slight bounce in his step. "Guess who the next Captain America is, sucka," Sam exclaimed with joy plastered across every feature on his face.

For Bucky, Sam's proud smile was almost blinding. He had always adored Sam's smile, from the second he layed eyes on him and the first time he laughed in front of Bucky. They always rivalled against each other but the few times he got to hear Sam's laugh or see him smile, were times that he fondly remembered. However, that was before they got stuck in the soul stone together, the rarity of Sam's smiled with Bucky were replaced with rarities of anything but. They were always happy to be around each other and they were always so consumed by each other that it would be hard for anyone else present to interrupt them. The only person that they talked to as much was T'challa, who would often privately tease Sam about, as if they were still middle schoolers. 

T'challa was well aware of the closeness between the two men and knew exactly how Sam felt about it. He knew that Sam would never try to do anything with Bucky because of the long haired man's blatant feelings toward his best friend. Although no such thing was confirmed by Bucky, everyone around the two of them knew that Bucky was in love with Steve. 

When they found out that Steve stayed back for Peggy, they felt Bucky's pain, but they could never show that they felt bad for him because Bucky thought he had well and truly hidden his feelings from the whole world. Everyone had to stop themselves from comforting Bucky, everyone except Sam. 

Once they all walked away from the man who was once Captain America, Bucky did everything in his power to bury every feeling he felt, including the ones he felt for Sam. He continued to keep them down and even though they started suffocating him, he kept pushing. 

Weeks passed after the war was finally over with Thanos and Bucky still hadn't allowed himself to display any of his emotions. It hurt Sam that Bucky wouldn't let himself feel or show any sort of emotion. When he laughed, it wasn't the same as it used to be, the laughter didn't sound as if it came from his heart.

His smile changed, it stopped reaching his eyes. Sam felt a slight sense of anger toward Steve for hurting Bucky, but there was nothing he could do besides help Bucky find himself again. Which would be hard because he didn't let Sam in the way he used to, he didn't let anyone in anymore.

Two months passed and Bucky was exhausted from having to push down his emotions but he simply didn't know how to display them. He'd never been hurt like this, he had no idea how he was supposed to cope through the pain and he didn't know how he was supposed to finally open up to Sam after shutting him out for so long. 

Sam could sense that something was wrong with Bucky because now he was avoiding him as a whole. As soon as they were left alone Sam asked, "I know you've been going through hell lately, but at least you allowed me the pleasure of your company, what's gotten into you?" As if on cue, Bucky's defence broke down and tears quickly pooled in his eyes and started streaming down his face, he wanted to yell but the scratching in his throat didn't permit him to.

The tears flowed from his bloodshot eyes and his body crumbled, he fell to the ground and he could finally let out the sobs he had been holding in for months. Sam was bewildered, after all this time Bucky had finally let go, but he couldn't stand there and watch him break down. He sat down on the floor beside Bucky and engulfed him in his arms, they were surrounded by complete silence and the violent sobs coming from the one armed man.

Bucky was hesitant to Sam's actions but soon found comfort in his embrace and melted into him. Sam felt his chest tighten with each sob Bucky let out. Within that moment, Bucky was the only person in Sam's world. No one else existed aside from the two of them and time slowed down, Sam ached to comfort Bucky by any means, he wanted to kiss him within that second- make him forget all about Steve, but he couldn't. He wouldn't.

After what felt like hours, Bucky's sobs finally let up and he was able to pull away and look up at Sam. Sam's heart broke at the sight of Bucky, he could see the worst pain through his eyes and Sam could no longer contain himself and leaned in, despite his best efforts not to. Bucky didn't read the situation and leaned in to embrace his friend.

Sam almost laughed at how stupid Bucky was, but it was oddly endearing that someone so old was so naive, he chuckled to himself. Bucky felt the slight shake of Sam's shoulders and pulled away, puzzled. His confusion melted away and his smile outshone any other form of pain in his face, after months of suffering, his smile finally reached his eyes.

That ignited a fire in Sam's heart and he almost couldn't help himself but he hesitated, if Bucky hugged him the first time he leant in for a kiss then maybe Bucky never felt the same for Sam. That thought hurt him, but the joy he felt seeing Bucky smile after so long overpowered all other thoughts.

"I really needed that," said Bucky with a smile. He then proceeded to finally open up to Sam about how he had been feeling all along and how he felt as though Steve abandoned him and their friendship. Sam listened intently with his hands over Bucky's. As Bucky was explaining his feelings, the sadness returned to his eyes and once he was done, Sam wrapped his arms around him and held him tight. Bucky placed his face in the crook of Sam's neck and felt him run his hand through his hair.

Sam was astonished at how soft Bucky's hair was, and continued to run his fingers through it. Initially, Bucky was tense because he wasn't familiar with an extensive amount of physical contact when it came from Sam, or when it came from anyone, but it was pleasant. It felt right. The fluttering feelings came back and Bucky felt his heart rate pick up, this was the most intense feeling he had ever felt for Sam and he was terrified that Sam could feel how hard and fast his heart was beating.

They spent a few more seconds in the embrace but soon broke away and Bucky left the room to calm down and wash his face. Soon after, what transpired between them hadn't been spoken of, because Sam supposed that if he brought it up, Bucky would become melancholic again. He really wasn't willing to risk that. 

Three weeks had passed and with each day, Bucky felt his feelings intensify and Sam's feelings didn't once falter. They would both spend every minute they could together, and would only part when they would retire to their own apartments to rest for the night. Often times they would visit each others apartments and sleep on the couch, but that wasn't a daily occurrence.

They had fallen into a rhythm that was comfortable to the both of them and made Sam immensely happy. Bucky was slightly worried because he knew his feelings for Sam were growing but he didn't mind, his being around Sam made him happy and that was really what mattered.

Sam had changed his title from Falcon to Captain America and they had been working side by side for the past almost three months. Even though it sometimes made Bucky upset that Sam had Steve's shield, he could live with it.

Out of the blue, one day Steve showed up at Sam's apartment. They had been communicating with each other for the past few months but they hadn't faced him since he gave the shield to Sam. Bucky wasn't expecting to see him and so he was shocked, once he recollected himself the familiarity sadness crept back into his heart.

Sam knew how Bucky felt and wanted to be there for him but couldn't turn his back on Steve so easily, even though he hurt Bucky, he was still was his best friend. Despite everything going on behind the scenes, Sam was happy to see Steve again. He stayed for a short while, but as soon as he left, Sam concerned himself with how Bucky was feeling.

After seeing Steve, Bucky was overwhelmed. Even though he was sorrowful, he was content because Steve looked at peace, he lived the life he always wanted and Bucky could never hold that against him. He couldn't be selfish enough to be angered at Steve's happiness.

When Bucky had the opportunity to see Sam's obvious worry for him, it was like a dam of emotions broke in Bucky's mind. He couldn't contain himself, he grinned ear to ear at Sam's confusion. Before Bucky knew what he was doing, he was already walking toward Sam, who was stood there expressively worried. With each long stride Bucky took to reach Sam, a new dozen thoughts infiltrated his mind. He was full of doubt.

When he reached Sam and grabbed a hold of one of his hands, all doubts were elevated from his mind and he knew exactly what he wanted to do. He waited all those years for Steve- there was no way he was going to wait for Sam. He silently hoped in the back of his mind that if Sam didn't feel the same way, this wouldn't ruin their friendship.

His metal fingers grazed Sam's beard and there was unmistakable hope in Sam's eyes.

The hand that was holding Sam's was warm and welcoming whilst the hand against his face was cold, yet enticing. It sent shivers down Sam's spine along with the anticipation of what Bucky was going to do so close to Sam. He wanted to lean in, he wanted to kiss him, but he couldn't risk ruining their friendship.

He was dumbstruck when Bucky's lips came crashing into his. The force almost hurt, but Sam was unable to feel anything other than Bucky's skin touching his and the brutal beating of his heart.

Bucky instantly softened when he realised how much force he had used and left Sam's hand to lightly hold the other side of his face. His beard felt nice against Bucky's calloused fingertips, and his lips were soft. He basked in his momentous courage for another second that felt too short, then pulled away. 

Sam's uncertainty was evident and Bucky felt a stabbing pain in his chest. He blew it. 

Bucky slowly pulled his hands away from Sam's face, but before he could set them down to his sides, Sam grabbed his face and pulled him in. With much less force, Sam kissed him back, feeling Bucky's hands snake around his waist and pull the two of them impossibly closer together. Sam trailed his hand back to Bucky's hair and laced his fingers through the strands. Bucky couldn't help but smile into the kiss, he'd been waiting almost five years for this, even though he hadn't realised it at first.

There was not a single other thought in Bucky's mind aside from the little voice in his head screaming that Sam Wilson was kissing him back, he was holding him. He had silently wanted this for years and he finally received what he asked for. He didn't know how to cope with the happiness he felt in that instant.

When Sam pulled away his eyes were wide and Bucky could feel his hand trembling, where it was placed on the back of his head. Bucky felt fear seep into his thoughts and he began doubting whether Sam really wanted this or he just ruined their friendship.

All his thoughts dissapated when Sam smiled lovingly at him, Bucky felt his heart leap, he had never seen Sam smile at anyone like that. The look in his eyes was one that he had never seen before, not in anyone's eyes. It was indescribable, Sam looked at Bucky like he was the most precious thing in the world, as if the slightest movement would break him.

Bucky was struggling to get any words out of his mouth, he had no idea how he would've handled the situation if it went down differently. As of that moment, he was filled with too much joy to think of a single coherent sentence. Sam thought otherwise.

"Damn, I was really hoping I would be the one to make the first move." He said with a burst of hearty laughter, colour rushed into Bucky's cheeks when he realised what Sam meant by saying that.

Maybe Bucky did ruin their friendship, but in turn for something so much better.

**Author's Note:**

> for my fav sambucky shipper, saff <3


End file.
